Politics
Bosco the Clown to be sacrificed in Satanic ritual involving an embassy
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Bosco has to be sacrificed to save our narco-emperor, and will be sent to become ambassador in dark Africa.
Corruption
Varela turns Panama government into drunken circus
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Under Martinelli's and Varela's rule, Panama's embassies have turned into foreign sales outlets for Varela products like Seco and Ron Abuelo.