Clyde Jenkins funeral insurance expires just days before [predicted death] he dies

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(See update below) WE WERE already wondering what had happened to Clyde Jenkins, the trusted right hand man of scam pimp Don Winner. Jenkins for years functioned as Winner's proxy on a plethora of online expat forums, harassing and shouting down anyone who'd dare to disagree with the self-proclaimed jackboot "community leader".


Yours truly obtained no less than two restraining orders from the authorities against Winner and Jenkins after their repeated harassment and intimidation of this reporter's family which includes two young daughters.

Harassment and abuse of under-aged females was a recurring theme throughout Jenkin's stay in Panama. He'd eagerly point out how in Panama 16 year old girls would be pregnant already, wondering what would be wrong, in light of that, with having sexual relations with them. He was once chased out of a town in the Azuero peninsula during carnival by locals who took offense at his behavior towards their children, sources told us.


Jenkins then moved to Colombia, but continued to spout his sick drivel online on various web forums. However, recently he fell silent. This morning, we found out why:

I want to update the thread on Clyde Jenkins. Benny is at the hospital now and Clyde is unable to recognize or communicate with anyone. He is expected to live only one or two more days.

We'll leave it up to you, dear reader, to decide if this is good or bad news. Suffice it to say that his inability to communicate is nothing new as far as we are concerned. But, of course there is trouble with money even on his last sad days:

There is a problem with the burial insurance expired on July 1st. Apparently Clyde was never able to resolve his debit card issue and had no money to pay any of the bills.

Well, isn't that a case of bad karma? After spending a decade defending and aiding financial scammers and their pimps, the man has no money left to pay for his own funeral insurance, so that it expires just a week before he actually is predicted to die.


Miraculously, however, there is one person crazy enough to actually say that he'll pay the funeral insurance bill (he may have to hurry with that) so that Jenkins can be put under the ground:

It is my understanding that if a person dies as an indigent there is no funeral, just a cremation and an urn stored in a room somewhere. I think Clyde deserves a funeral and a proper burial in a cemetery.

We think so too. He'll burn in hell anyway, so why do it here? At least there will be something to piss on this way, should anyone feel so inclined.

UPDATE July 10th 2014: We just heard that Clyde Jenkins has in fact died and will be cremated, which they now say was his wish and not because there's no money because everybody hated him so no donations. Who really knows! His passing away has for sure gone mostly unnoticed on the Panamanian Yahoo groups and other web forums where he made everybody's lives miserable; they're only talking about how to get rid of geckos in the house and where to get cheap booze and maids and of course they're bickering about other nonsense. According to this post on a Colombian Yahoo group however, we were in his thoughts during the last minutes but since he was sedated for at least 24 hours we don't believe any of that. He was most certainly not in our thoughts, that's for sure, other than - getting a bit philosophical here - the realization that everything is temporary and thus those assholes like him and so many others will just croke and heal the world from their presence. Anyway, you read it here first and not on that stupid scam site for the slow class!

UPDATE 2, July 11th: The other half of the restraining order, scam pimp Don Winner, finally discovered, 24 hours after the fact, that his "good friend" has died. Writes the Wanker: "I first met Clyde about ten years ago at an even [sic] organized for expats in Panama. We quickly became friends, and we were close while he lived here. I would pick him up from his small little one-room apartment in Casco and we would go do whatever together."

That "whatever" was, on several occasions, to show up at my house and cause trouble, until the corregidora in Casco Viejo put an end to these illegal activities.

5 thoughts on “Clyde Jenkins funeral insurance expires just days before [predicted death] he dies

  1. Let his shag buddy, the don the wanker pick up the tab to pay for his interment!

    After all cremation would be too good for this evil lying cheap thug hustler.

    Just dump his carcass into the nearest shark infested waters, he was just an infested infestation of delusional demented trash.

    After all don the wanker may will be interred right out of Panama for his criminal associations with the cd party and the labyrinth of business dealings with known Martinelli criminal associates and mobsters.

    After all this faux black ops wanna be, has broken every law for foreign involvement within the Panamanian elections.under TE and it’s jurisdiction.

    His flagrant Unlawful illegal financial and visa advice as to how to donate to various members of the Martinelli family, the cd party,and various Martinelli associated businesses to gain entry and protection from the past and former Martinelli government.

    Let us hope that Panama can deport these scum bags, scam pimps, and jackbooted types who disgrace those of us who live in Panama and do not live off the backs of the poor, the underprivileged and middle class that live here.

  2. WOW! I just looked a t the Wanker’s website seems Clyde was some kind of savior or saint?

    Funny before he ever landed in Panamá per say he was vacationing off and on here in the Azuero touting his still youthful sex drive and fondness of children. I wonder if it’s an STD that supposedly has him in the departure lounge?

  3. Seem’s Clyde has died leaving his only regret that Okke was not brought to justice WAH!

    I say “seem’s” as it is on the Wanker’s web sight where nothing seems like it really seems………..

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