How to privatize garbage and get rich in four easy steps

The mayor of Panama City, Bosco the Clown, is a true genius. The thieving heavyweight dances his way through everything from his epic Christmas party fail to garbage piling up in the streets.

So now he is steering for privatizing garbage collection for fun and profit. Here’s how to do that:

First, refrain from collecting garbage throughout the city. Choose strategic points with a high population density, so that the media will quickly report on the problems.

Second, pretend to be working hard on a solution, which, you leak to the press, is difficult and complicated. Use this period to incorporate some paper companies which you manage behind the scenes.

Third, dramatically announce that privatization is the only solution to the mess. This will generate a storm of protest, but civil society is too disorganized and amateurish to really cause any harm, so you calmly wait until they’ve found something else to give press conferences about.

Fourth, you organize a bidding process in which your companies of step two get the contract for garbage collection at an exorbitant fee for which a friend of yours is soliciting a loan abroad. This will cause more protest, but that’ll be harmless because most people are now happy that the piles of rotting garbage are finally being taken away. Sit back and watch the money roll in!