Tom McMurrain is back with the most bizarre scam ever

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Hey, McMurrain! You wanna sue us again? Friesner's pimp has a free lawyer for you on offer who has been in jail too!

Remember Tom McMurrain? No? Oh, man, we wouldn't know where to start. Noni and teak scams. Imaginary tree houses with elevators for the disabled. An independent country that was to be "a physical and virtual community on the natural resources of ones and zeros". Yours truly discovered two arrest warrants against him for fraud in Atlanta, Georgia, which he vehemently denied. He even sued, lost, appealed - and before he could do any more damage he was indeed arrested and thrown in the slammer. So were several of his employees, by the way. His marketing director was wanted in Costa Rica for fraud and child sex abuse, for example. Other cases included boating under the influence, assault, more fraud - McMurrain ran a high profile robbers den in Panama under the name "San Cristobal Land Development".

Well, he's out of jail. And he's back! Up to no good, of course. We had a great time reading his blog, where he writes under the name of The Dalitomma (whatever that is):

In the hustle and bustle of Success and its many distractions, it is easy to forget our original state. It seems that the full time job of the IM is to be distracting us from realizing what we want most. The IM’s thoughts swing wildly from tree to tree like a monkey, drunk with emotions and opinions, the Entrepreneur becomes deluded by his/her shadow and forgets his/her true nature of flow; this is what I call the “Supreme-Entrepreneur-Syndrome”. When the soul of the Entrepreneur separates him/herself (seemingly so) from the flow of Success and tries to become an island to him/herself.

Is it Narcissism to think we are separate of Success…to think we can “beat” what our essence really is. The Entrepreneur falls in love with his/her IM and all its cunning ways. The IM creates theme parks with un-ending playgrounds that serve as a lifelong distraction to the Entrepreneur. Playing on the playground of our own mind, we become deceived, yes?

Ummm, well, we wouldn't know, really. Reading the info tab on McMurrain's Facebook page, it appears that McMurrain has become a sort of an indigenous Buddhist:

I have had cancer and I have been to prison...survived both...I have seen the desert that Jesus, Krishna, Mohammad and Buddha speaks of. It is a very lonely place, a place that you get to know your Self very well. The Bhagavad Gita (The Song of Love) describes a beautiful story of battle that all people face before they cross the proverbial bridge. If you are not aware of the battle that I speak of, you don't really know. I am fortunate in that I was able to see the depths of hell at such a young age. (...)

During my sixty three month journey through the desert I was befriended by a Lakota Chief who made me a medicine man and honored me with a Lakota name; 'Man Without Shadow'. There is a special place in my heart reserved for Yellow Knife, The White Buffalo Woman, Black Elk, the Lakota Sweat Lodge, the four directions, Father Sky, Mother Earth and the Story of the Sacred Pipe (Chanupa Wakan). Aho Mitakue Oyasin

With that said, allow me to summarize my life; I have been way down, then way, way up, then way, way, way down and now I AM.

It goes on like this for several paragraphs. But click the "wall" tab and the old McMurrain is back:

Do you want to earn $80,000 a month? Check out this video and Enroll in the hottest social netowrking community in the world - Video explains how: www.joinaachoo.com

So all these hellish experiences of going through the desert and having to deal with Yellow Knife and the White Buffalo Woman and Buddha only served to make him a better promoter of cheesy MLM schemes? We were, frankly, disappointed. It's not like McMurrain to piggyback on someone else's ploys. What happened to him in jail, we wondered? Did he lose his touch? Where was the self-proclaimed guru who once told his victims that "God had put it upon him to walk a straighter line" - a line directly from their wallets to his bank account?

Ah, but then Eric Jackson proved how wrong we were, and reported that Tom McMurrain has now acquired the infamous EscapeArtist website from that wackjob Roger Gallo (with what money?) and is offering to sell you a country of your own! We steered our browser towards McMurrain's latest purchase and, indeed, there it was, authored under his latest pen name "Tom Ocean":

Buy Your Own Country for only US$150,000. Escapeartist Can Sell It to You

Now you can be a Power Broker and influence people around the world by becoming the Managing Director of your own media empire!

Become your country’s “GO TO” person and enjoy life as a Media Bureau Chief. Wine and dine with those in the power structure of your country to attract foreign direct investment to shape the image and future of your country.

In 2010, you can own your own country and become a Media Bureau Partner with the most recognized name in International living: Escapeartist.

Roger Gallo

Roger Gallo

Now that's more like it! When we were finally able to stop laughing, we continued reading to find out what this offer was really all about.

As it turns out, for a small fee of just $150,000, you will be allowed to run your own version of the EscapeArtist website in another country. On top of that, you only have to give 50% of the income such a website generates to McMurrain.

It is basically a franchise offer, with the special feature being that there is nothing to franchise.

Maybe McMurrain doesn't know this since he was in the desert with his new Indian friends, but websites can be visited from anywhere in the world. So people looking for EscapeArtist will just go to the original and typically not some clone that will inevitably rank lower in the search engines. But that is of course not what McMurrain is trying to have his future victims believe:

With Escapeartist as your partner, you can live a life without boundaries.

Are you ready to own a country and be the voice of your country, on the global stage? If so, Escapeartist has a clearly defined formula for success though our exciting new Escapeartist Media Bureau Partnerships.

For over 14 years, Escapeartist has been the undisputed leader and authority for individuals interested in relocating, traveling, investing, working and retiring overseas. Without question, we put the word International in International Living.

The forward thinking commentaries of Senior Editor and Founder, Roger Gallo have inspired the “Escapeartist Dreams™” of tens of millions of people around the world to ‘jump over many ponds™.’ Now you can become the ‘Roger Gallo™’ of your own country.

We have to admit: We missed this classic bullshit McMurrain prose. Roger Gallo - just so you know - was such a forward thinker that he called McMurrain's noni and teak scam "the best retirement investment I've seen in twenty years!" That was of course before the whole thing spectacularly collapsed, McMurrain went to jail and everybody lost his money - except for Roger Gallo who had at least been forward thinking enough to cash in his massive sales commissions just in time.

Are franchises really that expensive, we wondered? We did a quick search, and guess what? If you're looking for a real McFranchise instead of the McNoni version: A McDonalds franchise - a real business instead of some wacky McMurrain scheme - costs only $45,000. And if you're attracted by the "underground" vibe of scam sites like EscapeArtist; why not consider a Subway franchise for just $15,000?

Of course those are much better deals than Tom McMurrain's scam - they are real, for starters - but even so we can't wait to see how our favorite noni hustler runs this one into the ground (he always does). Meanwhile, anyone interested in becoming an international media bureau partner for Bananama Republic and living the high life with movers and shakers and influence peddlers all over the world? Now you can!

13 thoughts on “Tom McMurrain is back with the most bizarre scam ever

    • That fee is just a detail. You should focus instead on all the great things you get when you become your own country and bureau chief. Like, ehmmmm, whatever.

      Also, I’m sure that McMurrain will throw in a free membership of Monte Friesner’s fake diplomats association, where you can hang out with even more movers and shakers like Herbie and Blandoncito and enjoy a great selection of ex-convicts!

  1. Frankly, if people are stupid enough to fall for this shit, they almost deserve to be parted with their money – Come on!!!!!!
    How much mescal did this guy consume while in the desert?! Un-frikking-believable,

  2. Some of you might have a hard time believing this; but I have a hunch that serial scammers and ex-convicts Tom McMurrain and “Wild Monty Friesby” are actually partners in this “most bizarre scam ever”

  3. I would agree on that plausibility! The jail / cancer stories are the same, as Wild Monty apparently overcame a battle with cancer while in the slammer. Birds of a feather…

  4. @XIO, there is a running “cancer, Jail, (or Jail, cancer, becoming enlightened” thread, isn’t there LOL Do you think they were cell mates? perhaps even…more than friends??? and where is the wanker in all of that? fiction will never be as good as this bunch’s stories.

  5. “During my sixty three month journey through the desert I was befriended by a Lakota Chief who made me a medicine man and honored me with a Lakota name; ‘Man Without Shadow’. ”

    “Man without shadow” must have been watching “Dances with wolves” Hence became over come with some old panama red in the peace pipe and had an epistemic logical attack of the lower mental lumbar coccyx .

    The Lakota Sioux have never lived near any desert, unless you call the Midwest of the USA a desert!

    “Man without shadow” is a desert within his own mind!

    He is a true mental escape artist, but with others money with this scam?

    He can have them also wanting to be Martyr for Paradise within his now undisputed leadership role and his unwavering authority for individuals that want to be relocating, do some traveling, lose all their of their retirement investments, working under the table and then spend their retirement years overseas while living in such place like La Joya. Without question, he puts the word International in International Living!

    Escapeartist Media Bureau Partnerships are a true ripoff of the Panamanians Governments two year Visa program for $800.00 Plus and no questions asked?

    Any way there are sure a lot dumb Gringo’s that still think Panama is cheap and an easy place to live and make money?

    If these Escapeartist types would just get their heads out of where the sun still does not shine they would surly realize that Panama is just one of the biggest ripoff and scam country in Latin America!

    Panama’s mission statement should read “Bring me your tired huddling individuals loaded with lots of money, with a know it all mentality and thinking they are smarter than the local graph artists, Wanting young women who will do any thing for all their net worth, while building projects on ROP land, while promising 150% return on all your monies by flipping within the greatest legal system money can buy! All this and Paradise too?”

    • Ah, but don’t forget Roger Gallo (whom we’re told is a very sick man these days) in this circus! He promoted McMurrain’s noni and teak scam knowing that it was a fraud, then went on to promote a weird treehouse scheme McMurrain had started because he couldn’t sell his noni crap any more. When he started to feel the heat of the publicity, Mr. Gallo pretended to be a detective called “van Helsing” (a Dracula movie character) based in Cotwold (the home of Inspector Morse) and released an “investigative report” in which he made the bogus claim that yours truly was a wanted man in Holland for child abuse.

      Amazing how these petty attempts at “defending” themselves always follow similar patterns too, huh? After all, that other psychiatric case, Monte Friesner, made similar claims posing as a detective on his now defunct wantedsa website. Friesner also filed criminal complaints alleging “blackmail”. McMurrain, back in the days, hired Fulele Calvo and had two pages about me published in La Cronica also alleging that I was trying to blackmail San Cristobal.

      Yes, these scammers always follow similar patterns and they always end up in the same way; bankrupt, in the gutter, in jail, or all of the above. Sociopaths all, they never learn so eventually they make their come-back with a new scam. I guess it is one way to spend your life….

  6. @Dr. Diaz. I think the “63 months through the desert” is a metaphor for his time in ail. Someone like McMurrain would not survive in the actual desert for more than a few days. But there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that he is indeed, mental.

  7. It’s an indictment on every Panamanian government that they have never taken these scammers seriously and tried to reign them in. Naturally the obvious assumption is that government corruption has allowed these thieves to ply their trade in an environment where they can get away with it.
    What makes me laugh is how these thieves redeem themselves through illness. I tell you, cancer has to be one of the most opportunistic illnesses around – what would white-collar criminals do without it?
    I wonder when Martinelli will announce that he has cancer of his integrity.

  8. I think it’s also that our ruling class sees nothing wrong with it. After all, we have a university here headed by a fraud whose doctorate comes from a diploma mill, whose only publication ever was an introduction for a booklet about domino, who has been caught in selling diplomas himself and who names streets after himself.

    We have a legislator’s law firm serving as a shareholder of a scammer’s company and as founder of a fake diplomats association. We had Martincito and his wife promoting a mafia-linked teak scam. And on and on. No wonder Panama is so attractive for these foreign crooks; they blend in seamlessly.

  9. “Man Without Shadow?”

    You mean, the Lakota guy saw through him and recognized McMurrain as a vampire?

    Did we err in not requesting a judicial driving of a wooden stake in that calumnia e injuria case?

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