Bosco the Clown to be sacrificed in Satanic ritual involving an embassy

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Bosco the Clown (left, with sunglasses), here surrounded by traitors

Martinelli's popularity is cratering, Panamanians don't believe his rosy economic predictions, murder rates are through the roof, everything is getting more expensive and the protests against Martinelli's mafia laws just won't stop. What to do, if you're an incompetent supermarket mogul with the political acumen of a goldfish, drug scandals hanging over you and just no fucking clue about statesmanship or even how to marginally run a country more or less coherently?

Ah! But luckily Berlusconi came to visit and gave advice. The Italians, or better said the Romans, knew very well how to deal with his type of situation: A ritual sacrifice!

So, well, we're sorry Don Bosco the Clown, but although Martinelli is performing abominably as a president, you haven't performed at all. So if you just lie over there on that altar, your own party will stab you and slab you under the watchful eye of our great narco-emperor Martinelli and cheered on by the masses - if they make it through the twenty police checkpoints into the stadium that is - and then they will forget about all the evildoings of our government. And you will be sent to become a Ron Abuelo sales agent Panama's ambassador in Nigeria, where the Africans live.

Don't believe us? Read the official announcement!

6 thoughts on “Bosco the Clown to be sacrificed in Satanic ritual involving an embassy

  1. So the guy is incompetent, can’t run a small city, is harangued by his own president, so the reward is? Make him an ambassador.
    even a blind person could see this doesn’t look good. If Martinelli is willing to “reward” this idiot like this, imagine how he’s rewarded others that we don’t know about, because this is an embarrassment no matter how you look at it. At least Martinelli is showing that he must be a good catholic and learned well from Vatican policy: when you have a priest fooling around with children, don’t kick him out, simply move him to another parish – job done. Bosco should be moved to a parish near Jupiter.

    • I think it’s all smokescreens, just like raiding Hugo Torrijos’s place. Having this bumbling Bosco in the alcaldia is a great deflector for Martinelli’s mafia rule. Like in the old days the King would have a court jester, you could kick him around, he’d act stupidly, it’d be a form of entertainment and diversion from real issues. That’s the role of Bosco the Clown.

  2. I don’t think they teach at any university in Panama how to work in a correctly functioning government. It takes honesty, character, and complete selflessness. But these morons can’t even run a properly functioning McDonald’s let alone a government where people’s well being depend on you. This is what you get when people are appointed to positions they have absolutely no qualifications to be in.

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