Buy Now! Don't Miss Out! Get in on the Ground Floor! We all know this Panamanian sales hype, and sane people run as fast as they can when they hear it. Over the last couple of years, unscrupulous real estate pumpers of the worst kind have added a new recipe to their menu: Hyping property based on rumors that movie stars would be buying next door. So we had Mick Jagger in Veraguas, John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Mel Gibson in the Darien - all buying land in Panama and the property hustlers could make you their neighbors! Of course this is all bullshit, but by the time the public finds out these real estate pushers have already sold their lots at inflated prices.
We thought this nonsense by now had a sort of died, but one of these outfits, Templar Panama, is now hyping an offer that is simply a fraud. In a brochure (here's the link) sent to their mailing list, they're hyping a property in Bahia Honda, Veraguas, saying that you can live next to - there he is again, straight from the Darien - Mel Gibson's resort AND Carlos Slim's marina! Yeah, sure. And Bo Derek drops by every morning for housecleaning while you are horse riding with Charles Bronson.
President of Templar Panama is Gonzalo de la Guardia, who also dabbles in insurance and served as the front man of Don Winner's totally and dramatically failed Expat Center. Yo! Gonzalo! Don't you have any class at all? Neither Gibson nor Slim are even clients of yours! Mel Gibson, we know for a fact, prefers a chic real estate firm that respects his privacy, not some sleazy name-droppers outfit like yours where the second in command, one Martin Lamb, is famously known around town for spending half a million bucks in Venezuelan/Russian investors money on booz, hookers and other party supplies in less than a year (He did Ashley Dupré! Buy Now!). Marina? Resort? What have you guys been smoking? You learned this at the bankrupt Expat Center from an inebriated Donnie Wanker (he lives next to Chuck Norris)?
Prospective buyers: Don't fall for this crap. Don't believe these hustlers when they tell you your condo is in fact next to that of Marilyn Monroe or the Queen of Sheba. These sellers are simply losers who don't know how to do business in a normal way. And that's it for today folks, we're off to dinner with Humphrey Bogart in Frank Sinatra's restaurant!
Oh, by the way, international superstar Ruben Blades reads this website, did you know that?