Cable & Wireless a/k/a Cable & Useless a/k/a Cable & Shameless, you know, that rogue bunch of shady telecom pirates who stole INTEL from the Panamanian people to screw everybody with higher prices and lousy service and inventing the 40 second minute - these people are now snooping on your email and even censoring it!

Where's the proof, you ask. Here's the proof. Eric Jackson of The Panama News has maintained for ages a newslist, people who like to receive updates by email whenever a new issue of the online paper sees the light. Has never been a problem, always worked fine, until today. When Jackson sent out an update this morning, the subscribers who use Cable & Brainless as their provider never received it because, says Cable & Gutless, the "message content is not acceptable here". Of course they hide behind some sort of anti-spam firewall bullshit filter, which is just another tool for internet censorship, because the message obviously wasn't spam but a mailing to subscribers. Here's what came back from Cable & Clueless:

This is the Spam Firewall at antispam.cwpanama.net.

I'm sorry to inform you that the message below could not be delivered.
When delivery was attempted, the following error was returned.

: host 201.225.225.165[201.225.225.165] said: 579 message content is not acceptable here (in reply to end of DATA command) Final-Recipient: rfc822; xx@cwpanama.net Action: failed Status: 5.0.0 Diagnostic-Code: X-Spam-Firewall; host 201.225.225.165 [201.225.225.165] said: 579 message content is not acceptable here (in reply to end of DATA command) ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: "Eric Jackson" To: "The Panama News email list" Date: Tue, 6 May 2008 11:51:30 -0500 Subject: most of the culture section and all of the Spanish opinions are up See http://www.thepanamanews.com/pn/v_14/issue_09/culture_01.html et seq and http://www.thepanamanews.com/pn/v_14/issue_09/opiniones_01.html et seq (Still have the gallery guide to do in the culture section)

Spam? A newspaper update? Are you serious? Does this happen to the mass mailings to subscribers of La Prensa as well? We bet you it doesn't. The robber barons of Cable & Shameless are just blatantly snooping on email content and censoring delivery of those messages they deem "unacceptable". Will they start doing the same with your cellphone and drop calls or text messages with content they declare "not acceptable"? We wouldn't be surprised. After all, it wouldn be the first time they get caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

Bobo Bosco, here with a couple of
show dancers

Don Bosco Vallarino, who doesn't know him. The Panamanian low-end version of Saturday night horror Don "un aplauso por favor" Francisco. When he isn't dabbling in Telemetro entertainment he's selling real estate and perfumes on some Panamanian TelSell channel. And, he thinks, that is exactly the type of qualifications needed for a mayor of Panama City. He signed up for the Pizzafista party, and now he's about to launch his campaign.

But!

He has sold himself out already BEFORE being elected! Only in Panama will you find one candidate campaigning for the other. Listen to the radio spot above; a promo for Miguel Antonio Bernal, who is currently the front runner in the race for city hall. That is the voice of same Bosco Vallarino!

It gets even better when you listen to the text:

Whom will you trust? Someone who launches himself into a political campaign just months before the elections with promises, or someone who has all his life been an example, always on the right side of the issues, on the side of liberty, who has had the courage to defend your rights, without you having to ask and without asking for anything in return?

Seems like a clear case to us. Unless you think that selling jewelry on TelSell is "defending your rights" of course.

Bananama Republic, which only started publishing just over six weeks ago, is now number two in the list of Top 5 English Panama Blogs published by the prestigious Panama Travel News:

The satirical, controversial favorite, this site prides itself on taboo subjects, edgy opinions and great writing. Plus, it is the best name for a website. Ever.

We'd like to thank the expert jury of Panama Travel News for its confidence in the editorial team behind Bananama Republic and the honor bestowed upon us. Naturally, we'd also like to thank our readership which continues to double itself almost every week - and that for a website that is so new that it has no pagerank yet from the Google search engine.

Thanks to all, and keep coming back!

Is Hugo Chavez a Saint? Certainly not. Does he make mistakes? We guess so. Is he subject of smear by right wing zealots who applauded the coup against him? You bet. Are these the same zealots who say they support "democracy" and "press freedom"? Yep, IAPA for example. Aren't they having their annual meeting in Caracas? Yep. Doesn't that a sort of prove that there is, errrr, freedom in Venezuela? Yes, but try to explain that to these idiots.

Back to Chavez. Is he a loudmouthed opponent of US and Colombian policies? Gosh, you noticed! Did he lose a referendum after a string of election victories? Indeed. Is there anything worse than Chavez? Yes: Whining money laundering oligarchs like Eisenmann who attack him with fake facts because they see their sleazy business interests threatened by someone who actually does know how to exploit the natural resources of his country for the benefit of all.

Torrijos' good friend Mireya Moscoso seems to be in a bit of trouble these days.

Wow! For the first time in years, La Prensa publishes a story about corruption at presidential levels. Okay, it's the former president, corruption queen Mireya Moscoso, but it's a start after almost half a decade of deafening silence from the 12 de Octubre.

What has she done this time? Remember that house she stole, in Punta Mala, to have orgies with other Pizzafistas? She's secretly and of course illegally building stuff, the latest being a breakwater to protect that yacht she bought. All with stolen money and durodolares. And now La Prensa found out about the breakwater and the Maritime Authority is investigating. Of course nothing will be done. Moscoso should have been thrown in jail immediately after leaving office, but since we now have a government that is even more corrupt than hers that of course never happened.

Will La Prensa become a serious newspaper again? Don't hold your breath. Their agenda these days is to have Balbina elected because that's what Eisenmann and the advertisers and the Mottas want, and this just serves as a reminder to the public what they'll get should they get it in their heads to vote for the opposition. That's all. Monica Palm has always been a whore anyway.

We have done what we could here at Bananama Republic, but our efforts to improve the "Weekly News with Sandra Snyder" radio broad- and podcast through constructive criticism have been in vain. We tried but failed miserably. So, today there's no other way left open to us than to declare full war against this evil radio terrorism. Nothing but an unconditional surrender will do.

Why, you ask? Let us explain you why:

First of all, because she looks like a China-made pirated copy of Maggie Thatcher. Just look at the picture; that weaselly smile, these liver spotted arms, that superior conservative expression on her otherwise clean-shaven face. Her handbag can't have been far away when this pic was taken. The only difference is the voice; Thatcher had this deep roaring sound that scared away any opposition she'd encounter while Sandra Snyder - let's just say that if you could turn crackled paint into audio the result would be what Snyder reads on the air every Sunday night.

Read more

We knew it. Ruben Blades is a human rights violator and so are these tourists in their Hawaii shirts and baseball caps. Tourism projects (and other projects by friends of Torrijos et al such as mines and hydroelectric dams) mushrooming all over the country cause displacement of citizens and violate their right to a place to live. It also damages the environment, as we're seeing in Tonosi today. We don't make that up, it's in a new report published by the Panamanian Human Rights Network which unites about 32 civil organizations and groups. They made the report because the government doesn't comply with its obligation to file annual reports with the UN about Human Rights. We the People!

The report spans the period from 1992 to 2008 and lists numerous other creative ways the Bananama officials have developed to trample our rights. They don't protect refugees. There is discrimination against the handicapped. Children rights are violated. And of course the famous prisons system. The human rights situation in Panama is, in short, a big fucking mess and they haven't even listed everything. Does anyone in the government care? Ruben Blades has a new album out, did you know that?

Don Winner, here sporting the latest
in wanker fashion

Wanker - whom we just found dabbles in some weird safety shit these days - comes out today with a story that he tells in such a complicated fashion that we can't figure it out. Something with diamonds and investments and it's all a scam and it was done by Florida gardening people from Panama.

Where it gets hilarious is where he starts bullying a guy called Ciprian, who owns a Romanian web hosting company, for putting up websites for the scheme:

In talking to Ciprian on the phone be pleaded ignorance to anything illegal that the Spillers might be doing with the websites that he has set up for them. In an reality there is no way he could know what they are doing with the money, how they are handling the books, and if they are breaking the law or not. And that sounded good until I started finding websites in Polish that were pumping Udachu investments. So sorry, Ciprian, I no longer buy the "I don't know anything" story. And the next time I'm in Bacau City I'll look you up.

Oh my God, now he goes to Romania to attack some innocent guy with his stun gun and take pictures of his children!

But the really, totally "dumb gringo" part is this: He implies that because websites were in Polish, Ciprian would have known what the content was. But Polish is a Slavic language while Romanian is a - as the name a sort of implies - Roman language and they have absolutely nothing in common whatsoever. Great investigative work, Wacko Donnie!

El Panama America, in its editorial, shows uncharacteristic restraint today. Sure, they call Hugo Chavez a "charlatan" because he was angry about Colombia's and the United States' independent bombing of a rebel camp, Mexican students AND the hostage release negotiations all in one blow and inside Ecuador (Panama would be delighted if Colombia started bombing Meteti or the banking center as hide-outs of the FARC). But at least the editors left the bigger charlatan alone. After all, Torrijos went to the Cumbaya meeting in Santo Domingo and came back drooling with pride and claiming that it was HIS speech that had made the difference. Strange that NONE of the international media even mentioned Torrijos' speech. He probably gave it in his hotel room in the mirror only, while Ritter changed his diaper. Anyway, class act of El Panama America to not further hammer the point.

Lots of news today about the fastest bus system in the world and the accident that cost the lives of two passengers. The chauffeurs have been charged with manslaughter. The owners of the buses lose their licenses. But here's what makes us curious: Each and every newspaper reporting about the case gives full details about chauffeurs and victims, but NOTHING about the owners of these two buses. Who are they? Any tips? Mail them to news@bananamarepublic.com or leave them in the comments.

Benjamin Colamarco, the current Minister of Public Works, is a man of tradition. Once a goon, always a goon. The spiritual and organizational father of Noriega's Dignity Battalions is still, in his heart, a batallonero; a street thug with a desire to move up in the world. And so, the Friday before the PRD congress, he wanted to do the rounds to get the votes for the vice-presidency of the Pineapple Party. But, as a Minister, one is of course supposed to go to work. Colamarco then used the old trick of faking a Royoian throat ailment: He was unable to speak, it was really very serious, and he could not possibly be expected to show up at work.

Then he went to a breakfast meeting with the terrorist leader of the National Assembly and the delegates of the PRD from the Dariën in hotel - where else - Plaza Paitilla Inn. But there was also a photographer from La Prensa, Ana Teresa Rentería. and, knowing that the fearless Comandante Colamarco was supposed to be very, very, ill and in bed, she took pictures of him being miraculously cured and enjoying his meeting.

Soon, the goons showed up. Men in suits with bulbs under their arms. They demanded the pictures. The photographer refused. Arguing back and forth. Eventually La Prensa caved in and ordered the digital images erased. But that wasn't enough to release Mrs. Rentería, who was a sort of kept hostage for hours at the Paitilla Inn. The story can be read in today's La Prensa, but what did La Prensa DO about it? Sued the government for millions of dollars? Filed a complaint for illegal acts by Comandante Colamarco and his goons? Well, dear reader, La Prensa did absolutely nothing at all. It's a PRD paper, remember? They haven't cared about press freedom since the 2004 campaign.

Meanwhile, Comandante Colamarco is said to become the Piñadista candidate for mayor of Panama City. Voting for him sends a clear message. The message is that you're crazy and you want some dictatorship nutcase to rule the city.

Monday morning: Time for the News with Sandra Snyder. But we discovered something strange this time. She recounts how she drove all the way to Chiriqui and saw only healthy cows and prosperous low income housing freshly painted. Didn't she notice how in Santiago they're building the equivalent of Punta Paitilla? And how David is BOOMING? And how Versace opened a shop in Veraguas? No, she didn't see any of that because, as she explains, she had something trickling down from her interior. And while we don't normally encourage playing with tropical hardwood toys while driving, it makes for some rather interesting radio. Listen for yourself! Oh, and Sandra: Next time, leave the car at home. The new trend is walking barefeet. You get to enjoy much more trickling and it makes it soooo much more romantic....