Make a 100% return on your investment! Annual returns of 20% per year! Panama Real Estate is BOOMING! Porn stars are waiting on every street corner just for YOU! Get rich quick! Depression? Economic down? Panama is outside of the hurricane zone! We will NOT be affected! This is the best high yield retirement opportunity we've seen in 20 years! Don't miss out on this one! Buy NOW! Did I tell you about how YOU can make 20% on your investment per year? Yes you can! Just give us your money! Everything positive that you read about Panama is True! Everybody is Happy here! Get in on the groundfloor and then move UP! We'll give you a free seminar on how to lose your money how to get in on this ONCE in a lifetime opportunity! Returns of 100% and 200% in less than 5 years! Get RICH Quick! Protect your wealth! Put your money in an offshore thing that we can then steal is BULLET PROOF! We'll sell you everything you need and MORE! Bullshit still exists!

Remember? This is how Robert E. Baker, the charismatic yet ultra conservative president of the American Chamber of Commerce & Industry of Panama, explained poverty last year in the Latin Business Chronicle for those dumb people who failed to see the bright side of it all:

If you have to walk to school each day, as many of our parents did, does that mean you are poor? There are thousands of children in the countryside of Panama who walk to school every day and they do not consider themselves poor. In fact, they seem quite happy and also appear to be in excellent health. Typically, when they get home from school their mother or father is there waiting for them. In this case, is it good to be poor because you get more quality time with your parents? We might consider the kids of a first-world country who arrive home to an empty house to be poor because they have no mother or father to welcome them with a warm hug and a kiss.

Of course he's right. There's nothing against a bit of barefoot walking for poor children. Look at these healthy and happy feet!

Not healthy enough for you? More after the jump:

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Are you an abused Washington lobbyist whore? A retired very old, saggy, ugly and stupid woman who has just been left by your husband for a 20 year old Colombian girl with artificial breasts? Drinking problems? Gang raped by real estate brokers? You fear God for any other terrible reason?

Dispaireth not! Help is on the way!

Come to Chiriqui, shell out at least $115 from the money your husband hasn't spent on that Colombian chick and let us climb that volcano together. Now YOU can let go of deadly emotions, from woundings of the past & present. None other than the great and universally known Walter Mercado Marla McIver has arrived to "heal the soul of a woman" no less. "She has a dynamic personal testimony about the healing and restoration
power of God and understands the meaning of "Spiritual Warfare", the email we received writes. Warfare! Evil spirits!

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