Have you heard about the coming civil war? The inevitable end of the dollar? The food shortages? No? Then you haven't been to a town meeting in Volcan, in the Chiriqui highlands. It's one of those events where gringo expats, who can't live without being scared of something or someone, like to go to be reaffirmed in their irrational fears by their cult leaders. If you thought the Hawaiian shirt militia types on the Pacific coast were a bunch of fruitcakes, wait till you meet the batshit crazy gringos that make up the Volcan Brigades! Fasten your seat belts please, and put on the tinfoil hats!
Our curiosity was peaked by an invitation on the Yahoo "Gringos in David" forum posted by one Larry Scher (remember that name):
Our next speaker will be Larry Scher giving an update on gun control, both here and in the States. Come and learn the latest on what is happening in the States and in Panama. Do you think there is gun control in Panama? There is and it is very, very effective and subtle! How will the possibility of civil war or Marshall law in the States affect you in Panama? Learn the true reasons why the government wants the control and confiscation of guns.
Intrigued by this typical Panamanian subject, we kept our eyes open for news about how the town meeting had been. The location of the event was promising: Mana's restaurant in Volcan. The owner of that outfit, a Panamanian empresaurio, formed a group to rebuild the Volcan police station after it had been burned during last year's Ngobe protests against the theft of their natural resources, in which the police murdered various Ngobe people.
Ten days ago, in Volcan, one indigenous protester was clubbed to death by four masked men and another one was seriously injured. We wouldn't dare to suggest a connection of course. Just sayin'.
The meeting indeed took place, and the minutes were promptly posted on the same Yahoo forum, here. And we must all be grateful for those
gringo rednecks and fugitives and religious wingnuts upstanding expats for keeping the finger at the pulse of what might influence our lives here in our tiny peaceful nation. Because, according to what we read about the presentation by Larry Scher, things aren't looking so bright. There will be food shortages, the dollar will collapse, there will be civil war, inevitably, and all kinds of mayhem, because of unsustainable health care and education and of course the evil of gun control. Fear and loathing! And not even in the Chiriqui highlands will you be safe:
E. How does this affect us in Panama?
1. If there is a civil war in the U.S. it will shut the country down. Panama imports over 50% of its food. U.S. will not have ability to export food to Panama
Check your grocery store shelves here. How much food do you see imported from the States?
2. lack of food may bring added resentment against American's here.
3. Will affect our income and investments in the U.S.
Without Divine Intervention mankind cannot survive himself. There is a time coming soon when this will happen and there will then be the right kind of gun control.
There is a statue in front of the United Nations of a man beating his sword into a plowshare. It is too bad all nations do not do this.
Isa 2:4 - And He shall judge among the nations and shall rebuke many people; and they shall beat their swords into plow shares and their spears into prunning hooks. Nation shall not life up sword against nation -- neither shall they learn war anymore.
Next to the questionable "facts" (Panama imports 50% of its food from the US? Really?), note the religious overtones. More about that in a minute.
Some members of the Yahoo board objected to this extreme right-wing nuttery, or even - good heavens! - made snide remarks about it. Luckily, however, these unruly elements were quickly put in their place by the group's moderator. Freedom for the right-wing fruitloopery, but not for comments on it, of course:
The posting of the minutes will continue if they are submitted. If the minutes of the meeting contain subject matter you don't agree with... hit the delete button and move on. People who have nothing better to do than post snide reply comments will be put on moderation.
That's the kind of language we need in these difficult times! Keep your disagreement on these war and peace gun issues to yourself, you pinkos!
Visionary guru Larry Scher has, of course, an impeccable track record in these type of affairs. Remember the famine that struck Volcan in 2011, as a result of the Global Food Shortages? Our Larry was on that, dear reader, saving innumerable lives with his sound advice during yet another town hall meeting:
Tomorrow at the town hall meeting in Volcan, I will talk about how this [global food shortage] will affect Panama. Even if you can't make it, please prepare. Time is running out to start storing food for the days ahead.
We all know what happened next. Hundreds died like dogs because they didn't listen to Larry Scher; an ugly sight that many remember even today. Mass graves had to be dug to bury the victims of the 2011 global food shortage famine in Volcan. Cholera and plagues broke out. Frogs fell from the sky. Only those who "stored food for the days ahead" are still among us. Don't most people usually have food for a couple of days in their fridge? Yes, of course, but that is not the point here, dear reader! This is about Larry's vision into the future and beyond!
So who is this great thinker and leader, Larry Scher? Well, we were a bit disappointed to learn that he might have ulterior motives. He may be trying for you to join some sort of cult, the "Shalom Assembly of Jahweh". We got that idea after reading in one of that group's publications:
Yahweh in Panama Elder Larry Scher has reported to us that the assembly in Panama is growing. Through elder Larry’s efforts the brethren have been actively learning about Yahweh and Yahshua’s Names, their plan of salvation, the Sabbath and the Feast days. Please keep brother Larry and the assembly that he is leading in your prayers.
Is "Yahweh" code-speak for "guns", then, brother Larry?
One thing is for sure, the Volcan Highlanders will no doubt lead the heroic fight for freedom and insanity come the inevitable civil war up North. Masses of expats will come down from the mountains to save the dollar, the constitution, and their guns. The Volcan Brigades will march on, through Central America and Mexico, climb that border wall and join the Confederation.
Or maybe they can help out another wacko religious wingnut in the process and join the war riding replica Lamborghini cars?